Doing it Without Sex – Showing Your Care and Love without Sex

What Hindus think of Love? What is Love?
- Dr. S. Radhakrishnan

In true love there is absolute surrender. Pure love asks for nothing in exchange. It throws itself out without restriction or reservation. It makes light what otherwise is heavy. It carries a burden without feeling its weight. It is never weary, considers nothing impossible, and is ready to suffer all things. Such love is eternal. We have it in the depths of our soul, a sacred inviolable flame, which we can carry to the end of our lives. Such love has nothing in common with human desire, low brutal, selfish, violent or petty, or feelings brittle, superficial, exacting. It is a force sent down to earth that the earth might get back to heaven.

Such a communion of mind and spirit, as well as of body, is immortal. It is the purest relation, which makes us inwardly complete and contented. Love is all that one can call one’s own. It is the one treasure of life, for everything else in life had been communised. It is life’s supreme blessing, however bitter its afflictions may be, however lamentable its defects. Love is neither mystic adoration nor animal indulgence. It is the attraction of one human being to another, under the guidance of the highest sentiments.

Through love we create a spiritual reality, and develop our destiny as persons, through the pleasures of the flesh, the happiness of the mind and the joy of spirit. The tempests of the heart are taken over into the calm of the soul. Love is not merely flame meeting flame but spirit calling to spirit.

Dr. Radhakrishnan is one of the most respected Hindu philosophers of the 20th century and a former president of India.

Love sounds like really cool stuff, but how can we really show love without sex?

Before marriage love can be expressed in many different ways and does not have to involve sex. If your partner really loves you in the way described above, and is “ready to suffer all things”, he or she will not demand sex when you are not ready for it.

If he or she is demanding sex from you, it may be a good sign that he or she does not really love you and may very well dump you after getting sex. Sex may be all they are interested in.

Do not be blackmailed into sex by a demanding partner.

Ways of expressing your love, before or after marriage, without having sex:

  • Share hobbies and learn new things together – see the list of Great Things to Do.

  • Study together and learn life skills.

  • Read and discuss books about relationships, marriage, and love.
  • Play games

  • Watch movies with your families

  • Spend time together where other people are around so that the urge to have sex is reduced.

  • Chat and learn about the deep thoughts of each other by having long and deep talks. This will strengthen your bond and you will understand each other better.

  • Do charitable work together – assisting older people, needy people, and those who are disadvantaged.

  • Go to temple together

More Ways to Make Love and Show Affection without Sex

Give a hug...get a hug

So much can be said with a hug. It provides closeness and intimacy. Sharing a hug can be one of the most loving things two people can do.

Share your feelings...tell each other how much you care.

Being honest with your feelings can be a very loving gesture. Let the one you love know just how much you care.

Hold Hands

Like a hug, holding hands is a loving gesture that shows one another that you care. The touch of a hand can say so much.

Give one another a special gift.

Gift giving is not only for birthdays and holidays. Giving a gift "just because" can say so much about how you feel. And remember, price is not what's important. It's the giving that makes the gift a special expression of your feelings.

Make a special CD of love songs.

The language of love...said so well in a song. Find love songs that are special to the both you and your relationship. Put them on a CD and listen to them together. Nothing says love like music.

Take a walk together.

Take a walk...hold hands and enjoy the beauty of nature. Walks are quiet, peaceful and they provide the privacy you need to get to know one another better.

Choose "your song".

Every relationship needs a special song that is just for the two of you. Find that special song, share it, dance to it, and claim it as your own.

Write each other a love letter.

Sometimes, it's easier to express your feelings with the written word than the spoken word. Write that special someone a love letter. Be creative and don't hold back. Show your love with your words...he or she will cherish it for ever.

Leave a little note where the other will find it.

What a surprise when you open up your favorite book and find a hand written not that says "I love you". Three little words scribbled on a piece of paper...what a simple way to make his or her day.

Flirt with each other.

A smile...a wink...or just a little whisper. Flirting is a harmless, fun way to tell someone you care or you're interested. Flirting is an art go ahead and master your craft.


If your partner demands sex when you are not ready, BE PREPARED:

Here are some things that your partner might say – and ways you can answer:


Your partner: ‘If you love me, you would do it with me.”

You: “If you love me you would respect my decision.”


Your partner“Everybody is doing it.”

You: “I am somebody and I am not doing it.”


Your partner: “But I love you”

You: “If you love me. You will wait.”


Your partner: “If you don’t want to do it, then I will find somebody who is willing to do it.”

You: “Well, I am sorry that I don’t mean more to you than just a little sex – move on”


Some Things about Sex which are not true:

  • Everybody is doing it – NOT TRUE – Everybody is not doing it; some people live happy and successful lives with hardly any sex at all! Hard to believe but it’ true. 
  • If you really love someone you have to do it – NOT TRUE – many people have deep love and care for each other and don’t even have sex. You can show your love without it.
  • You cannot get HIV on your first time – NOT TRUE – all it takes is one time for you to get the Virus. And it could be your first time!
  • People who talk a lot about sex do it a lot – NOT TRUE – many people talk a lot about sex because it is such an interesting topic. This does not mean that they are doing it. A lot of guys and girls talk about sex when they want to impress their friends. Many times they may just be making up stories to get attention and the stories may have no truth in them.